Remembering Matthew....

I am sure for all of us, there are certain days of the year that stand out because something happened on that particular day that touched our lives, and in some way, changed it forever. For me personally I have two such days this week. Two days that each year make stop and remember right were I was on that day when the event happened.

Can you remember where you were and what you were doing on this day 11 years ago?
I certainly can. I was sitting at my desk in the Desert Aids Project in Palm Springs, California getting ready for the Health Center to open and our first patients to arrive for the day. One of my co-workers came by desk to let me know that the news had just announced that Matthew Shepherd had died. At that moment I felt my heart break and my eyes tear up. For everyone at work that day, including the patients who came in, it was a quiet somber day It like one of our best friends had passed away, and not a one of us ever met him.

Matthew Shepard was by no means a Saint, although at the time of his death the media certainly tried to make it seem like he was. He was an ordinary 21 year old University student. He had always had his share of problems, just like we all do.
Matthew was only 5'2" and weighed somewhere around 110 lbs, and Matthew was Gay.

I am sure most of you remember the media blitz when Matthew was murdered, but I would like to refresh your memory just a little in case you don't remember and
for some of my younger readers who don't know about Matthew.

Matthew was a student at the University of Wyoming in Laramie. One night after he and the members of the Lesbian,Gay,Bisexual, Transgendered Alliance had finished up
a meeting to finalize plans for Gay Awareness Week on campus, Matthew decided to go over to the Fireside Lounge and have a beer before calling it a night. That was on October 6. It was at the Fireside that he met Aaron McKinney and Russell Henderson. Matthew was known not to meet a stranger and talked with anyone who wanted to have a conversation. It was around 11:45 that Matthew was seen leaving the Lounge with McKinney and Henderson. It was later revealed the two had figured out that Matt was Gay and they had told him they too were Gay. They left the Lounge in Henderson's truck with Matt sitting in the middle. Once they got away from the bar they
told Matt they had lied to him and they were not Gay and he had been jacked. McKinney demanded Matt's wallet and became enraged when he only had $20.
He began beating Matt in the face,neck and chest with his fists and the butt of
a Smith and Wesson .357 pistol. While all this was happening, Henderson just kept on driving and drove them about 4 miles out into the prairie.
McKinney then pulled Matt out of the truck and continued to punch him and kick him and hit him with the butt of the pistol, while Henderson just stood there and laughed. They later told the authorities that Matthew had screamed for mercy and begged them stop even telling them he had more money they could have back at his apartment if they would just let him go. But instead of believing him, McKinney
ordered Henderson to tie Matt to a near by split rail fence. So Henderson got a piece of close line out of his truck and tied Matt's hands behind him, with the backs of his hand facing each other and then tied him to the fence. The media said that Matt was tied to the fence spread eagle like he was on a cross, but in reality he was sitting down and tied to the bottom of the fence. Matt was still very much aware of what was going on and when McKinney realized that Matt would be able to tell the authorities who had done this to them, he became so enraged that he hit Matt 3 times with the butt of the pistol , crushing Matt's skull, caving it in behind his right ear and rendering him unconscious. It was this act, the family later found out, that ended Matt's life and put him into a coma. It was later calculated that the whole ordeal, from the time they left the lounge until
McKinney dealt the fatal blows, only took about 45 mins.

Eighteen hours would pass before Matt was found. And it was totally by accident.
Aaron Kreifels, he himself a student at the University, came flying by on his mountain bike just about sunset. He hit a rock and took a tumble. As he was getting up he noticed what he thought was a scare crow tied to the fence and went over
to investigate and found Matthew. He ran to the nearest house which was about 250 yards away to get help. He was taken to the hospital in Laramie but it was determined the hospital was not equipped to handle Matt's head injuries, so he was flown to the hospital in Fort Collins, where he died 5 days later, never regaining consciousness. The only reason Matthew was the target that night was because he was Gay.

Judy Shepard, Matthew's Mom, is a truly remarkable woman. Since Matt's death she and her husband have created the Matthew Shepard Foundation, to try and educate people and stop the hate toward the LGBT community. She recently published a book
entitled "The Meaning of Matthew" and I can't urge you enough to read it. It is
an outstanding account of the person Matthew really was and the details
they have learned of what actually happened to him that night and in the days, weeks and months that followed. It gives an eye witness view of the two trials of McKinney and Henderson and how their lives and the life of their younger son Logan, have been changed forever.

So why should what happened to Matthew make such a difference to me. Well you see,
what happened to Matt, well that could certainly happen to me too, just because I am Gay.
There have been times in my life I have been harassed and their have been times in my life I have even feared for my life, just because I am Gay. It happens every day.
Matthew suddenly became every Gay person's friend because we all knew, no matter where we lived in this world, that it can happen to any of us. At the time I am writing this, for the past 10 years, we have been trying to get a Federal Hate crimes Bill passed that would include sexual orientation. Just like it is against the law to discriminate against someone who is Black or someone because she is woman. We do not have a Federal Law that protects those who are Gay, Lesbian or Transgendered.
BUT, right now there is a bill before Congress that looks like it could finally pass, and you know what it is called?, The Matthew Shepard Hate Crimes Bill"

So that is why on this day, October 12, each year, I remember Matthew Shepard.
Matthew was just your ordinary run of the mill college student, who happened to be Gay. But because of what happened to Matt, hate crimes again the Gay community was brought to the fore front of the whole world, and this time, they was going to have to be dealt with.

And what happened to Matt....can surely happen to me, or any other GLBT person you know, so pleae never forget Matthew.

later.

p.s. It was by accident that I read Judy Shephard's book this past week. I got it in the mail and since I have had to stay in bed with this cold I have been battling, I started reading it. I realized while I was reading the book that I lived in Casper, Wyoming and attended St Mark's Episcopal Church in Casper, the same time the Shepards were there also. Changes are I had seen Matt helping attend during the Church Services and could have very possible met his parents in passing. Sometimes in looking back, the world certainly is a small place.

National Coming Out Day 2009

Today is National Coming Out Day in my Community!! Actually it has grown into an International celebration in the LGBT Community. Last year I posted my own Coming Out story so if you missed it last year, or just want to read it again (like I just did!), just go to the blog archive on the right and click on "2008" and hit "October", and there it is!

And for any of you that just may be wondering....Yep, I'm still Gay!! and proud of it!!

I do want to share one little thing with you here. Thankfully I am close to my nephews, I love all three of them with all my heart. My brother's oldest son, lets call him John (well that is his name), and I were talking on the phone last week, and he was telling me about a night out he had with his Dad that week. He told me they had talked a lot about me (well of course they would!!) and my brother had
told him that when he first found out that I was Gay, it was really hard on him.
But my nephew told me he just looked at his Dad and "You know Dad, I wouldn't have
Uncle Jaymes any other way". That that really choked me up.

later!

Los Angeles Welcomes Gustavo Dudamel !!!

This past Thursday evening I got to do something I have wanted to do for several years now...attend a concert of the Los Angeles Philharmonic Orchestra!!!! But mind you, it was not just ANY concert, it was the Inaugural Concert of It's new Musical Director......Gustavo Dudamel!!!!!!!! Yep, and I got to go....FOR FREE!!! which just made the whole thing a little sweeter!

I have loved what my little brother always called "long haired music" ever since
I was in grade school. Actually I can not remember a time when I did not like listening to Mozart and all his buddies. My Mother thought this was wonderful and bought me several records (yes then we had records)and I would play them for hours.
If this was not a sign to them they had a little Queen in the making I don't know would have given them a clue. (Well maybe one Christmas when I had asked for a certain doll, and got a set of cap guys instead, and I looked up at my Mom after I had opened up the guns and said,"WHY?", that might have also been a clue for them)
Last week as I was listening to NPR as I was driving to work, they made the announcement that the LA Phil was having a special drawing for tickets to the
outside showing of the Inaugural Concert of Gustovo. All you needed to do was go the the LA Phil website and give them your email address and name,and on Tuesday their computer was going to select 2000 names at random and those people would win 2 ticket to the event on Thursday. So I made a note of myself ( as my brother says, "Note to self") and when I got to work I signed up, and forgot about it, sorta.

If you live anywhere close to Los Angeles you have known for several weeks now that Gustavo was coming.You may not have had a clue who he was, but you knew he was coming. He is on all the sides and rears of every bus in town. He face is smiling down from many, many, many bill boards all over town. Thankfully, he is a nice looking man and we don't have to look at a hideous face plastered all over the place!!

So on Tuesday I was at work and something made me remember that was the day they were selecting the names for the concert so I logged on and check and of course there was nothing in my mail box from the LA Phil. And the little voice in the back of my head said, "You really did not expect to win now did you??" So I just went back work and really did not think anything about it. The last hour of our day that day was really slow (you do not say dead in a Doctor's office) so I was killing time before we could leave and I checked my email again and there it was...."Congratulation, you have been selected to attend the LA Phil concert this Thursday evening!". I promise you I read it 3 times before it stuck in my mind.
I was so excited. I have always wanted to hear the LA Phil in concert but the tickets have always been a little pricey for me so I just did not sweat it. But now I have another task I had to do.....find someone who would go with me, because I knew Patrick would say, "That's great Baby, who are you going to take with you?" because I knew he wouldn't go. Not that he doesn't like "Long Haired Music", he's Gay, he has to, its a requirement for us. But I knew his work hours would interfer
with him being able to get there when we had to check in. So I texted our friend,Timmy, and in no time he texted back that he would LOVE to, and we were set.

So Thursday evening I met Timmy at the Dorothy Chandler Pavilion in downtown LA and we went through our security check, I had been sent a special email with a number on it that I had to bring with me and I had to have a picture ID. Once we went through security we were ushered into the outdoor Plaza were Timmy and I and 1500 of our closest friends were going to watch a simulcast of the Concert that was taking place inside beautiful Walt Disney Concert Hall, right across the street. We got to our place around 6, the concert started at 7. So we settled in and ate dinner (Timmy brought some things from a Chinese bakery and I bought what was probably one of the best hot dogs I have ever had from the vendor that was set up by us)and as more people started coming in and sitting around us, we started talking with them also.
EVERYONE was excited. You could honestly feel the excitement in the air.

The darkness started falling around us and the magical time was approaching. Then, right on time at 7pm, the large screen came alive and we were inside the Walt Disney Concert Hall right along with the 2000 people decked out in their tuxes and evening gowns ( and I was getting to wear a comfortable shirt and slacks and in my sock feet!). When Gustavo came on to the stage everyone went crazy. Shouting and clapping and whistling. The energy was amazing.

Now the concert was in two parts. The first half was a world premiere of a new work called "City Noir" by a man named Adams. Well to sum it up quickly for you....I did not like it. It was a modern piece and I am not a fan of most modern classical music.
For about 45 mins I listened to music that I could not get into or make head or tails of. And from what I heard around me at intermission I was not alone.

BUT, then came the second half and it was "Symphony No 1 in D major" by Mahler and it was
simply beautiful. As I looked around during the performance everyone looked as if they were in a trance. It was awesome. I really did not want it to end. After each movement, the crowd would go crazy with applause and in the end, Gustavo Dudamel received a standing ovation both in and outside of the Disney Hall. To sum it up,
it was a truly amazing evening. Wonderful music under a clear, starry night in downtown Los Angeles, truly amazing.

later!

p.s. I would like to thank our friend Timmy for coming with me to exeperience this amazing evening. He and I and Patrick have had many adventures in the 9+ years we have been tegether, but it is a very rare thing that I get to spend some quality alone time with Timmy. The hour we got to share before the concert started just
added to the greatness of the evening for me. thanks my friend!
























(to see any of the pictures in a large format,simpley double click on the pic)

Just Another Reason I Don't Take Sleep Meds...

All of my life I have had to be careful when it comes to the medication I take. I have a "delicate" system so I have been told and when most meds says to take two of something I can only take one. When I first started taking blood pressure medications several years ago, the first day I took it I fainted at work because the dosage I was prescribe lowered my blood pressure too fast! (Now mind you I was at work when I fainted but I have been told I fainted in a very lady like manner!!) So the Doctor cut the dosage in half for me and it has always worked fine.

I have never been a fan of sleep medication and have actually only used them twice in my life. Once I was having an episode of insomnia that happens to me very once in awhile so a friend recommended I take a Tylenol PM, sounded good to me, so I did.
It made a Zombie out of me all the next day, I got 2 good nights sleep off of 1 pill!! And then a couple of years ago when I lost my job a dear friend of mind gave me 2 Ambien and told me to only use half whenever I could not sleep because of the stress of losing my job, that was over 2 years ago and I still have one pill left!!

But last week, I came across something that really floored me. Most of you know I work in an Doctor's office and one of the things I do is deal with the Drug Reps. Thankfully the ones who call on our office are all really nice and some I know from the last office I worked in. When they leave the medication samples they also leave he product info sheets that tells all about the medications. It was the end of the day and I was clearing stuff off my desk getting ready to go home when I found one of the product sheets a Rep left that day, it was for a sleep medication. I just glanced over it and could not believe what I was reading. You can actually take this medication (one of my Docs said it applies to any of them) and get up and do things and not remember you did it when you wake up. Now I want you to take a look at the list...some of the things listed I really don't mind not remembering but a couple I sure as hell want to remember if I get the chance to do them them !!!
So now I have another reason not to take sleep medications.....

later!!

Where Did Summer Go?

Well for those of you who may not know it, today is the official last day of Summer.
Tomorrow is the Autumnal Equinox and Autumn officially begins. In Paganism, it is called Mabon. It is the day when the Day and Night are divided equally. For me personally,it starts one of my most favorite times of year..Autumn.

As excited as I am about the changing seasons, I have one question for each of you who reads my blog...."Where did the Summer go?"

It was just a few days ago that we were in Spring time, the flowers were all starting to grow and bloom and we were just starting to slip into Summer time, and all the sudden, here we are at the last day of Summer !! I don't know about you but I had things planned out that I wanted to do this Summer,and not a one of them did I get around to!! I think one thing that faked us out is that we did not have a very warm Summer for the most part. I wasn't until August that it even started getting hot. July certainly wasn't a hot month as it usually is. So with only a few weeks of really hot weather for us here in Sunny Southern California, it just did not seem like we had much of a Summer!!

Even though Summer seemed much shorter this year, I did have several very cool adventures, some I have blogged about and some I will catch up on soon.
For instance, on July 4th, I attended my very first Anime Convention with the Nephew.
If you are not sure just what Anime is, Google it, it is a form of Japanese Art, cartoons to us here. I have to admit I really did not know much about it when I volunteered to go, but I really had an amazing time. It started out in May when the Nephew said a group of his friends were going to meet up on July 4th at the Anime Convention at Convention Center here in LA. Now I knew he would not be allowed to go by himself so I told him I would go with him. So the morning of July 4th, we caught the Metro train in South Pasadena and rode it downtown to the Convention Center.
It was much easier than me driving down and having to pay for parking. I am sure the Nephew had a good time with his friends and I had a fun time getting to know a whole new world I had no idea existed!

At the beginning of Summer, I went hiking in Eaton Canyon outside of Pasadena with Patrick and some of his friends. It is a really beautiful place and a great hike. I will be posting about that adventure very soon.

Also this summer I got to do something I have wanted to do ever since I moved here (almost 7 years ago!!), I toured the City Hall here in LA. It is quite an amazing building. I joined the Summer tour put on by the LA Conservancy and it was really enjoyable. For those of you who may not know, I LOVE history, especially the history of the area I live in. When I moved to Palms Springs back in 1987, I dove into the history of the area. By the time I moved in 2000, I could give a pretty good history tour of Palm Springs and the surrounding area!! And I am enjoying doing the same thing with Los Angeles, there is SO much history here, and not just the Hollywood history!!

Of course we made a few trips to Disneyland. Even though we have our Annual Pass, we usually don't go to Disneyland during the Summer much, way too many people!!
A couple of weeks ago we decided on the spur of the moment to go see the fireworks on a Friday night, we figured it would be safe....WRONG!!!!!. I can not even begin to tell you how crowded it was. So we went to Main Street and staked out our space, and once the fireworks were over, we pretty much waited in the stores for awhile and headed back home. There are far more better times for us to go, like next weekend for GAY DAYS!!!!!

We had several more fun adventures this summer. I went to Palm Springs and had lunch with my Gal Pal, LB. I ended up spending the night there with my sister Doris(many of you know him as Jake). Patrick and I went to see the Pagent of the Masters in Laguna Beach(thanks to our friends Cindy and Jeff). A couple of weeks ago we took the Neice and Nephew to the Pantages to see "Legally Blonde" (which was really fun!) and just this past weekend Patrick and I went to see "Stand Up Comics..the Drag Queens" over the Broad Theater in Santa Monica. (I have not laughed so much in a very long time.It was taped and will be on the LOGO channel in 2010, I will keep you posted).

As much fun as we did have this Summer, to me, it is over way too fast. Growing up, the Summer seemed to last for so long. But I have been warned many times along my Journey that as you get older, times passes more quickly. You think so? I am hoping not because I have a whole host of things I want to do that I have not got to do yet!!

Hope you had a fun Summer and now as we slow down and tranition into Autumn, I hope each day brings a smile to you face and may you have many adventures along the way to Winter!!

later.

Dawn...Starting Out A New Day

Since today is Labor Day and I have the day off (Yeah!) I thought I would take advantage of it and do something I have wanted to do for a long time, stand on my favorite cliff over looking the ocean and watch the sun rise.

I had plans to be in San Pedro early this morning to watch my friend Mike run in the "Conquer the Bridge" 5 mile run, so I just got up a little earlier and headed for the cliffs at White Point Beach,on the western side of San Pedro. This place is one of my favorite places to be. It is a high cliff overlooking the ocean and you can literally see for miles in all directions.

This morning I was on the cliff just minutes before the Sun peaked over the horizon (and through the clouds) to start a brand new day. As I was walking along the path to the cliffs, I was welcomed by a light breeze that was cool and filled with the smell of the ocean below. As I reached the point where you could see the beach line below I was surprised at the several other people who were stationed about on the beach and perched on the rocks below, also waiting for the sunrise.

Since it was cloudy I was afraid we would not be able to see the sunrise, but just
as it was time, the clouds parted some and there the Sun was peaking over the horizon. It was so quiet with only the sound of the ocean hitting the rocks below.
It was so beautiful. I just stood there and took it all in.

So often I think we are so busy and hurried in the morning that we miss so many beautiful sunrises. Each day a new day dawns for us and we are too busy to see it, we just take it for granted, and we miss so much beauty.

Just like everyone else I seem to be so busy in my everyday life. Always have somewhere to go and somewhere to be. I have been so "busy" it seems doing "stuff" this year that here we are in September already and I can't even remember what I have doing all this months and how it got to be so late in the year already!!

Standing there this morning, watching the sun peak over the horizon once again, like it has done everyday for thousands of years, I remembered that I need to slow down and take in all the wonderful things each day holds for me, and to pay attention and enjoy it all, everyday.

Hope you will join me in doing that.

later

A Tale of an Electronie Toy Junkie.

I don't know about you but I am glad this Monday is over!! Mondays for me are the hardest day in my work week, and today was no exception. Some time I will share with you what a day in my work life is like, but for today, lets just say when the day was over, my butt was dragging about two feet behind me!! But now that Monday is over, bring on the rest of the week!!

Some of you know that over the last couple of weeks I have been having problems with my cell phone. Now at one time I swore I would never have a cell phone, I just did not see the need to have one, no one needed to get ahold of me that bad, if they did they could either call me at home or in the case of an emergency,call me at work. But then I met Patrick, and things changed. After we had been seeing each other for a few weeks, he totally surprised me with....a cell phone. I remember it was about as big as the phone here in the house and it was blue (I like blue!). It was connected to his phone on his calling plan and we could talk to each other and it did not cost us anything. It was good think he did that, with him living in LA and me in Palms Springs. I remember seeing his phone bill one month and we had talked over 3000 minutes that month, imagine how much our phone bills would have been. Ma Bell would have really loved us!!!

So a couple of weeks ago my phone started having problems charging. I found out it was the internal connection on the phone that was broken and I had to wiggle the end of the charging cord around to get it to charge and then one day it just wouldn't charge anymore, and I was without a phone. That was ok for a couple of days and then
I started going through a sort of cell phone withdrawal. I am sure they have to have a group like AA for former cell phone users!! So finally Patrick went with me to Verizon to have my phone check out and yes, it was dead and could not be repaired.
Of course they would be happy to sell me a new phone but it would be January 2010 before I could upgrade to a new phone and get a deal. So I decided I just could not spend the money right now so I had them switch my phone plan back to my old Razor phone I still had, that would work just fine until January. Have you ever had to go back to driving an old car with a standard transmission once you have driven a new
fully loaded Jaguar??? Trust me there is ALOT of difference!! But you know, you have to do what you have to do now a days and the Razor would just have to do till January.

On Thursday Patrick called me at work around noon and told he was going to surprise me with something but he found out he had to tell me....he had bought me a new phone and it was going to be activated that afternoon and he had to tell me because my
Razor would not work anymore. Can you say EXCITED!! Well to say I was excited is an understatement. But I would have go wait until he go home to see what it was.

Well, let me tell you what my Hunny got me, it is the Verizon EnVtouch. It is really beautiful and I can not even begin to tell you here all the features it has. It is like he bought me a new computer with alot of bells and whistles. It is amazing.
I even makes phone calls!!! It is going to take me awhile to learn this one but it is going to be fun learning it!

That was Thursday. So Friday morning I get up and started my daily routine. A part of my daily routine is to plug my iPod into my computer so it can update my daily podcasts I listen to. Well the screen came up to update and then something happened, it said "there are songs you bought on the iPod that is not in the iTunes
on your computer, do you want to add them to iTunes?" Now I thought this was strange but I had seen this once before when I had bought some music from iTunes and did not like it and deleted it from my iPod, so I click yes.....and then the unthinkable happened. it cleared ALL the music off my iPod and when it was finished (I had walked away once it started and did no notice it then) all that was on it was about 480 songs... I had over 5000 on it to begin with. I wish I could fine the words to express to you ALL the emotions I felt right then, but I just can't. When I went back to check it before I left for work, I just sat there, with eyes as big as plates and my mouth totally wide open, and I remember I was breathing pretty heavy.
I wanted to scream but it just wouldn't happen.I looked over at Patrick and said,
"It cleared my iPod"....it was a sad, sad scene.

There was nothing I could do right then as I was leaving for work. I kept thinking about it all day. I had been collecting music for the last several years from different places and I knew alot of it I would probably never come across again.
But what can you do? So when I got home I started looking over to Apple.com and tried to find some answers as to what to do but found nothing. So I went to my Music folder on my Computer and started looking around, for what I am not sure but I had to be doing something till Patrick got home. And then, right there in my Music folder, was a fold that had ALL the music that had previously been on my iPod. But for some reaond it was not in the folder that currently held the music that was on my iPod now. This really confused me (which is not a hard thing to do when it comes to computer stuff). So when Patrick got home,instead of finding me in a stupor like he and left me that morning, I was sitting there with my confused face on. So when he came into our office, I calmly told him what I had found,and he looked at it and said," you just have to make it read the list from that folder", and walked over and sat down at his desk. Why sure!! I know how to do that, NOT!!! So he came back over, and clicked a couple of buttons and BAMM, it started downloading all my old music from the folder I found,back on to my iPod!! It was just that simple, for him.
Well it actually took about 2 hours for ever thing to reload to my iPod. After it was finished I had lost all my play lists and the counters at the end of each song was blank, so I lost all my numbers of how many times I had listen to each song and when.
But at least I had all my music back!! I was very thankful

It was later the next day that I was thinking about all the gadgets are on my new phone and how thankful I was that I got my music back on my iPod and it was then that I realized without a doubt......I am an electronic toy junkie!! How did I ever
live a fulfilling life before I got a cell phone and an iPod???? Some answers to life's questions you will just never know!!

later